Sunday, April 26, 2009

Are aliens planning on invading earth?

Sounds like a India TV news Article doesn’t it? Well it is true. Our sources in Kirkit Land (Yeah the same in mentioned in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and yeah we have sources everywhere in the universe) inform us that after the intergalaxial peace treaty was signed 1111 years back, they had been creating a weapon of mass destruction. The weapon would not kill the person directly but would demoralize him/her to the extent that he is totally defunct. Considering that shipeverythingtoSA Roadie has already set the wheels in motion, it is no wonder that they would be very close to invading anytime soon.

Our sources tell us that one prominent member of the cricket fraternity has already been identified as an alien of the Kirkit race.

With his mask off, it is very difficult to identify the adopted face but it is said that the alien can take on any face it sees.

We have received a detailed plan how they intended to do the same, through a coded message intercepted through the intergalactic postal service chain in which we have a source. The message shown below was cracked with a top level crack team of specialists from BBI (Bureau of Bakwaas Investigation) and DICK (I don’t think I need to explain this).

What strange is, that Inzoo figured out the message at one glance which the team of specialists couldn’t for 3 months. The message said “D.E.S.T.R.O.Y. C.R.I.C.K.E.T.” . One wonders at such points in time whether Inzoo really is from earth and is as dumb as he shows?

Some of the diagrams shown were mind boggling in their ridiculous callousness and severity. Would the aliens go to any levels to destroy the human race?

The diagrams of already deployed tactics are attached below for your reference

Would the green field we love so much be reduced to a vast expanse of worthlessness? Would the team of 11 sports persons be reduced to 1 large slip?

One really questions in this context, the issue brought up by the genius intellectual “coach” John 4-captains-and-a-nun and hot and sexy .. highly metrosexual Khaorukke Paan about the Mutiple captains. With a “setting” like this, do we even need a captain, no offense Mr. Gang(rape)-ho-lee. Specialists asked to analyse this reported with a detailed analysis comprising of as many as 3 words –

“We are F**cked”

Though the usage of moderate of words in this blog does not convey the urgency of matter, it is imperative on our part to understand that this is of prime importance to save our race from extinction. The aliens have also found out the secret to the importance of the sport in our life.

A secret book passed on from prime minster to minster in this country reveals that only humans can play this sport. Chimpanzees the only creatures humans can bank upon in the event of a total wipeout, cannot play the “bat and ball” sport!!! But more on that in the next post

A comb never abandons its teeth however bald the user becomes -Inzoo

Signing off Your favourite Ziddu and Inzoo.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Guru Gyaan Session II

On our flight to a short timed “bat and ball” sport series underway somewhere in the African Jungles (Yes the one infested with all those undiscovered human eating flowers and dangerously funny faced pygmies (the ones who are rumoured to kill you with just one look at them), we were discussing about how dangerous the “Gentleman’s game” has become . Not because of the violence that perpetuates the sport today, but how it has transformed from a “straight game” to one which reeks of fantasies of the same sex.

Inzoo as usual was his “macho” self and went on to say how he and some of his teammates from the Green crescent star spangled banner country really enjoyed the guy’s night out shopping and the time spent together talking about how inconsiderate their girlfriends/wives were and how enjoyable their pajama parties were.

Apparently they love the colour pink very much. One of the players (asked to remain anonymous) divorced his wife when she “accidentally” wore his favourite pink “chaddi”. The infamous chaddi is shown below.

I agreed that his players were very macho and perhaps the most “metrosexual” of all teams. The pictures below though show that their neighbours might infact be the ones really catching it by the balls.. literally (down, left pic). Inzoo seems to rue the passing away of the “good ‘ol days” and is shocked by the public displays of machoism that is rampant today.

Noone is spared of the new fad that is to attach yourself to your teammates in provocative positions. A close source to one of the teams says that this fad was indeed started by a certain “sportsperson” not fully endowed with the gift of height. It is rumoured that what he lost in terms of wholesome “length” he made it up somewhere else where it is not so visible. A certain bobbing up and down action that he is famous for was apparently taught to him by the African pygmies association who recently felicitated him. “He has shown us that height is not and should not be a barrier to greatness”, said the Chieftain. That’s true, oh chief, because men of stature are in short supply.

The same close source tells us in detail how it is infact an energy generator that is fitted, which has to be pumped to work. The design is said to be crude and the woodwork (yes it is made of wood) quite amateur, but the results are there for everyone to be seen. For him to get all these details one has to wonder how “close” he actually is to martodkar , but who’s complaining?

But the interesting fact is that the action was misunderstood by some members of the cricketing fraternity and thus started the revolution which changed the way “bat and ball” sportspersons the world over look at each other today.

Among all these revelations it is important to note that there is atleast one member of the cricketing fraternity who is still maintains the “Gentlemanliness” that perhaps the fresh blood has forgotten. Yes it is our friend, ShipeverythingtoSA Roadie. Sources close to him tell us that he is making full use of his time in the African jungles. Having been rebuked (in private ofcourse) by the Bubbly, Greedy Fanta about his lisp problem, he enrolled in some Zulu classes which is a proven remedy for the problem which has caused a level of embarrassment to him among the elites as well.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Welcome to the First session of Guru Gyaan on 

“Gol Guttam Lakad Battam De Danadan Pratiyogita”

We swear by putting my hand on Geeta (or chita, or meeta or any other girl you might like) that whatever we will be posting here would be essentially the distorted truth or the likes of it. Occasionally we might goof up and write an original piece with nothing but the truth in it. But then we are humans ... and to err is human and talk about it is after erring is trademark Inzoo.

Introducing the members of our gyaan club, Me is Ziddu (The funnier one) and the other Inzoo ( the  one who is the butt of all the jokes).

Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald and I plan on giving it out for free...!

The Gyaan that we provide is best taken with a chill pill and will distress (sort of like the “bodyline” terror) almost all “bat and ball” lovers out there (but perhaps lapped up by the lookingforfame, cricketispasse’ cool dudes and the likes). 

We sure hope to hear from their spokesperson as well and it better be someone other than Passe’ Gawaar and ShipeverythingtoSA Roadie.  We intend to do all the things that disclaimers warn you against and the sentiments that we project are definitely ours (The IPR for the “witty” one liners are with us obviously though). 

As a cautionary note we wish to express that this blog will be “BLASPHEMOUS” at the very least and politely formal at the extremes.

I do hope you use the trivia we shell out, to “stump” your friends and relatives (Its one of the innovative marketing ploys by the Bakwaas C(k)achhra Collectors of India, to promote their stake in the  game their ancestors invented to pass their time). Ages ago, before the british came to India, the “ball” was the lump of garbage and the “bat” was the clumped bamboo sticks nowdayas referred to as “Jhaaroo” or cleaning stick. The british stole their game, made it more elite to suit their status in the country and made it the “Gentleman’s game”. But life goes a full circle and its back to the people from the so called”slums” and “underdeveloped” regions who are stealing the show. It’s basically a question of Genes, says a prominent doctor. The descendants of the original creators of the game will always carry that edge over their “developed”, adapted team mates...

P.S. Oscar winning director Fanny Gargoyle is planning a sequel to his only famous film, titled "Slumdog Cricketer".

Off late “OUR” favourite pastime (yeah the same bat and ball “sport”) has been steeped in a lot of controversies.  And why not when the “Lord Almighty”, ShipeverythingtoSA Rowdey, has his eyes set not on the future of the “sport” but on something else?

On this “happy” note ... signing off Ziddu and Inzoo “... bye bye, alvida, shabba Kher.